Day 2 of modified for mommy morning pages.

I’m at the kitchen table, Aidan’s on the floor banging on the stove with a series of spoons and saying, “Bang bang!” while grinning up at me naughtily, ‘cause he knows he shouldn’t. He just threw a whisk into the sink and I gave him the old, “If you throw it, it gets taken away.” He seemed to take it seriously, he begged for it back and is now playing quietly and asking for daddy, whom we just skyped with. He’s shooting a horror movie in New York these days and we get only a few minutes with his pixilated, disembodied head first thing in the morning before he goes off to create moody lighting setups on the Upper Westside. Now boo’s sitting quietly at the table with me eating a yogurt.

In the cuteness report, boo’s new favorite thing is taking his zebra or his bee (both rolling animals on strings) with us when we go for a walk. We’ll take his bee to the grocery store or his zebra all the way to the playground. He stops with them at traffic lights, walks them carefully across the street, turns them carefully over if they tip over on a curb or a bump in the sidewalk. It slows us down considerably, but is absolutely adorable and he gets even more attention than usual from strangers. HIS NEW GAME: HITTING THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON ON MAMA’S COMPU TER. HE LIKES THE WAY IT LIGHTS UP.

Another fave is coming into the bathroom when mama’s in there. Often I take the opportunity when peeing to page through a catalog or read a page of Entertainment Weekly or Real Simple or half a page of the New Yorker if I’m feeling especially ambitious. Besides twenty minutes before bed, it’s the only time I read at all. Boo’s new thing is walking in, which he’s always done, taking my magazine out of my hands, saying, “No this one,” closing it and placing it on the floor.

I had a bad night last night. I woke up at one to go to the bathroom and couldn’t get back to sleep for at least an hour. My pelvis was aching and I couldn’t find a comfortable position. (I just put boo’s favorite CD, For the Kids, Too, on iTunes. He wanted to hear “The Kitty Song,” which is actually called Meow Meow Lullaby and now he’s swaying to Good Night by the Beatles, which is “his song,” the one Harlan and I designated his while he was still in my belly and sang to him every night, hoping it would have a calming effect once he was born. I don’t know if it worked, but he sure seems to like it.)

I have to confess, I just took a break to check email, wish some friends happy birthday on facebook and dance around the kitchen to boo’s (and our) favorite song Everybody Came. I’ve pretty much been ripped out of the writing. Do I even post this? I admit I have an ulterior motive in doing morning pages, hoping I’ll get some decent blog entries out of it and eventually feel like I have a writing practice again and crank out my book proposal and maybe even figure out what to do with this essay I’ve had sitting around and then of course rewrite my screenplay and write my next book and—God, I’m out of breath just thinking about it all—well, start feeling like a writer again.

To post or not to post? What the hell…

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