Okay, there, I said it.

Not only am I knocked up, but I have been for six months. Or 24 weeks, as we frequent breeders like to call it.

And I’ve just needed to get it off my chest! I think that’s why I haven’t been blogging. I mean, I’ve had stuff to write about: boo’s first stomach bug; the awesome yoga I did in LA; my mommy friend Laura telling me she’s written three books (three BOOKS!) since her daughter Penelope, who’s boo’s age, was born, and my bad habit of comparing myself to other moms who all seem to be more productive and capable than I am; the fact that I’ve made two play dates and a coffee date since I got back in town, which makes me extremely proud; the conversation I had with a lactation consultant about weaning Aidan before Baby #2 comes…

So many things I’ve wanted to get down on the page, but when I’ve thought about getting my butt in the seat, there’s this big grumpy elephant staring me down that needs to be dealt with before the rest of it. I mean, my gut is massive and growing. I’ve already gained 25 pounds! My boobs are beyond the hot porn-star boobs I had when I was pregnant with Aidan. They are those freakish, silicone-injected cantaloupes that you see in phone sex ads and think, God I’m glad I have other ways to earn a living and make boys like me, and I can barely retain them within one of the two hideous, stretched out Victoria’s Secret bras that have been the only ones that fit me since I was pregnant with Aidan. I’ve got heartburn and hemorrhoids and a swollen milk duct in my armpit and bouts of insomnia and my fourth cold in two months (and no bladder control so I pee when I have sneeze or cough) and an excruciating pain that shoots through my left breast and a constant buzzing in my ears (yes, it is a pregnancy symptom! It’s called tinnitus and it’s common in pregnant and menopausal women and those undergoing hormone replacement therapy. Who knew?). And of course I am exhausted, cranky, always hungry and always full at the same time, and questioning the meaning of life on a daily basis. (Doesn’t this make everyone just want to run out and get knocked up?!)

So, why didn’t I tell you?

First I was shocked and ambivalent (well, more negative than ambivalent, more on that later). Then you’re supposed to wait three months before telling anyone. Then I had an amnio and figured I shouldn’t really make an announcement until I’d gotten those results (all good). Then another ultrasound, the 23-week one or whatever it is, to check out the baby’s heart valves or some such thing, and I figured might as well wait for the results of that, too (also all good). And so it went. I’ve only really even told my best friends when I’ve seen them and had no choice with this big ol’ belly staring them in the face.

Anyway, it’s out now. Thanks for listening. Maybe now that I’ve ‘fessed up, I can get back in the groove of airing my joys and grievances and writer’s block in this blog for your reading pleasure.

Mama has a big ol' belly

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