I feel like I have nothing to blog about! Ugh, I’m just not in the mode of writing something everyday that anyone would give a shit about reading. I mean, I’m sitting here watching Aidan poop. I mean, I think he’s pooping. He’s playing and suddenly his face is pink and puckered and he’s making grunting noises. My life is a thrill! And now I have to go change him and put him down for a nap…just so I’ll be able to take a shower.

But first I played ball with him. Honestly Aidan playing ball is one of my favorite things in the whole world. He can do it himself…just pushes his mini red and black Adidas soccer ball around the room like pro, he pushes, it rolls, he chases it. He can do it for hours. But when we play together, it’s a thing to behold. He rolls it to me, I roll it back. He bounces it to me, I bounce it back. He actually catches it, which is a total thrill for him. He gets so excited he scrunches up his face so hard he shakes and makes this savage groan, kind of like King Kong crunching a car in the palm of his hand. So much passion, this kid. And then he raises the ball way over his head to throw it and instead it falls behind him and he gets totally confused and looks around and when he finally sees it, smiles and trots off after it to start all over again. Oh my God I love this kid.

So, I take him in back and change the poopy diaper and then it’s into my room to nurse him on my bed and I love him so much as he dives at my boob mouth wide open like a pelican plunging into the waves to nab a fish, I am overcome with it and wrap him up in my arms and say, I love you I love you I love you, God I love you as I squeeze. And I wonder if saying I love you so much makes it lose meaning. I used to think I said it way too much with my college boyfriend and since then I rarely ever say it at all with anyone, not friends, family, I know it annoys my husband how rarely I can put my mouth around those words that usually seem so forced, so artificial, but since Aidan I never stop. I hug him I love you, nurse him I love you, play ball with him I love you, he smiles I love you, bursts into tears cause I’m not playing with him and I run to him and he holds his arms up and I scoop him up for a hug I love you, he eats apple sauce I love you, refuses to eat apple sauce cause he’s decided since one minute ago that he doesn’t like apple sauce I love you, throws all his toys out of his crib I love you, hugs his lamb Liam in his sleep I love you. I just sit there staring at him thinking I love you I love you I love you I love you. I love him so much my ribs might crack. And so I have nothing to write about because all I do is sit around loving my baby all day and I have no time to write cause all I do is sit around loving my baby all day. Guess I’m pretty lucky.

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